Make Ourselves Worthy of Happiness
by Prongs3345
Summary: His tough guy facade is wearing thin, and the only person who understands enough to help him, might not be strong enough. Morgan/Reid but more of an angst first, romance second kind of story.
1. Ladies and Gentlemen

**Welcome! This fic was based on a thought I had, about how all the Morgan/Reid fics involved Reid being rescued from his demons by Morgan and they fall in love blah,blah,blah. But doesn't Morgan have some equally compelling demons to fight? Why does Reid always have to be the 'damsel in distress?' Anyway, I love Morgan/Reid, but I wanted to try something on a different path.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds. If I did, Morgan and Reid would be going home together a lot more, and there would be a substantial amount of torture for my favorite BAU teammates :)**

**Warnings: There will be slash. This is rated M for a reason. Spoilers for Elephant's Memory, Profile Profiled, and maybe some others.**

**Season: somewhere in the middle of the 4th**

**Enjoy!**

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**Chapter 1: Ladies and Gentlemen...**

_Morality is not properly the doctrine of how we may make ourselves happy, but how we may make ourselves worthy of happiness._

Immanuel Kant

Dr. Spencer Reid was lying across the comfy black leather sofa, a large book being flipped through with consistency, while a large Doberman sat on his mismatched socked feet. Normally Spencer didn't like animals, but Clooney was the exception. The dog had become so accustomed to Reid's presence that he no longer jumped on him when he walked in the door to Derek Morgan's house. Morgan was lounging in his leather recliner with a beer bottle in hand while an old Mel Brooks flick played on the big screen TV.

This was what their friendship had become.

It had happened after a case that had taken the team over a week to solve. Tired, weary and forlorn, the team had gotten off the jet with the promise of doing the paperwork in the bullpen the next day. Before putting on his motorcycle helmet, Morgan had spoken to his genius coworker.

"Hey, kid, want to come watch a movie tonight, have a few beers? We could both use a little R&R after that case." Translation: _I'm shaken up and I don't want to be alone tonight, and I know you're just as freaked as I am._

And so, the "Morgan and Reid Movie Nights" began. It was their way of healing from their worst cases. They watched comedies and family movies; anything without violence, fighting and bloodshed. In short, they avoided anything that would remind them of their unique and trying job. If the movie ended before they were ready to call it a night, they stayed up and talked for a few hours. Sometimes they didn't even watch movies. One night at Reid's apartment, he began reading while Morgan watched television. Derek didn't mind. He knew that it wasn't the movies that made them come together, but the companionship. He just wanted to have someone in his home who understood the mental anguish his job had put him in, and who wouldn't mind his emotional distance. It wasn't easy to open up to others when you were part of the Behavioral Analysis Unit, but their feelings became unspoken because they both understood each other so well.

On this particular movie night, the fifth or sixth one they'd had in three months, they were recovering from a case involving a serial killer who raped his victims before killing them, who did not distinguish between the race, age, religion, or even gender of his victims. It had thrown the team off and had made him hard to profile, but they had caught him in the end.

Morgan's home phone rang. And rang. And rang.

"Are you going to get that?" Spencer asked without looking up from his book. Clooney rolled over onto his side.

"I'm screening it," was Derek's reply, and finally the phone went to voicemail. A woman's voice interjected into the air around them. Every word she said sounded as if she was trying to be as seductive as possible.

"Hey, Derek, it's Sylvia," she said, and Reid took the opportunity to shoot a look at Morgan. "I was just thinking that I haven't seen you in a few weeks. You never called me after we… _hung out_ at the bar. I was really hoping we could see each other again. Call me?" The machine shut off, and its owner reached over and hit the delete button. Spencer shut his book, looking confused.

"You aren't going to call her back?" he asked. He had never received such a suggestive call before. Derek shook his head.

"I don't do second dates, man. Second dates mean I have time for a relationship, which I don't," he smiled as he saw the raised eyebrows and smirk on Spencer's face. "Call me a dog all you want, but we're married to this job. I don't see you going out with girls every week, either." Spencer rolled his eyes and opened his book, intending to resume his reading.

"Yeah, well people aren't exactly banging on my door for that elusive second date," the doctor retorted.

Maybe it was the nature of the case they had been working that day, or maybe he was just in his profiler mode, but Derek Morgan found himself analyzing Reid's word choice. "People?" he asked pointedly. Reid looked uncomfortable. "Pretty boy," he winced – that might have been a bad word choice, "you know you can tell me anything, right? You're my best friend. And you know I'd never tell a secret you didn't want told." Reid blushed slightly and stammered a bit before launching into what Morgan usually referred to as 'genius mode.'

"I-I guess I've never really been attracted to people's appearances, it's more of their character and intellect that attracts me. And when it comes to personality and brains, one gender is the same as the next. When you think about it, a woman's breasts and curves are really just fat. I don't see what's so fantastic about it. It's no better than a guy's muscles. I guess in the colloquial lexicon, you'd call me a bisexual, though actually if we want to get scientific about it, I'd probably be asexual or biromantic. On a Kinsey scale I'd say I'm a 3. And I know what you're going to say, that having a sexuality is irrelevant if you aren't having sex. Well you can tease all you want cause I'm okay with who I am." He spoke quickly, staring down at his book. As far as he was concerned, it was like rambling off a statistic about how fast grass grows, while Derek tried to mask his astonishment with a bemused look. Never had the young doctor admitted so much to him, at least not since the Owen Savage case.

"I wouldn't joke around about that, kid. How long have you known?" Morgan asked, pushing the recliner's footrest in and turning to face him. Even Clooney seemed to turn his ears in Spencer's direction. Spencer looked confused, and began to speak slower.

"Known? Well it wasn't like an epiphany, or some kind of alethia, my mom just raised me to think of everyone as the same. Anais Nin, Herman Melville, Hans Christian Anderson, they were all writers who were considered bisexual. Even Shakespeare was speculated to have romantic feelings for men. It just wasn't that big of a deal in my house. It's probably why I got made fun of so much in high school," he took a deep breath. "But I guess to answer your question, when I was 18 going to CalTech, Avery Anderson kissed me after our engineering class. He was my T.A. When summer came we dated for awhile, but I was young and he…wasn't. I had one other real relationship, a girl at CalTech when I was 20. I really haven't been in a relationship since then." Spencer finished his story, grinning sheepishly at his best friend. In his head he was running scenarios around his genius brain, whether Morgan would accept him or not, and if not, what would happen at work?

Derek Morgan looked stunned.

"Spencer Reid… _Dating a Teacher's Assistant?_" he said, pretending to faint from surprise. He chuckled and got up from his chair, grabbing two new beers from the fridge and opening them with his refrigerator magnet bottle opener. After opening the door for Clooney to go outside, and leaving it cracked despite the cold wind, he sat back down on his comfy chair, handing a beer to Reid. Spencer took it and took a drink, looking confused.

"Aren't you supposed to be more shocked about my 'coming out,' as they call it these days?"

Derek laughed. "If it doesn't matter to you, it doesn't matter to me," he said, and clinked beers with his best friend. Reid took a sip and set it on the table with a smile. "I am glad that you trusted me with it, though. No one should have to go it alone." Spencer felt an immense relief wash over him and as Derek grinned back at him.

"Thanks, Derek. You're the best. But I'll have to take a rain check on this beer. It's already 2 and we have work tomorrow," Spencer said, standing up and grabbing his coat and throwing his book into his messenger bag. Derek got a brief glimpse of it; _Critique of Practical Reason_. Reid was still working on that Philosophy degree in his spare time.

"No problem, kid, I'll see you tomorrow." Derek said, also standing to give Reid one of those rare hugs that men give to other men they care about when no one is watching. After Spencer Reid had left and Clooney had pushed his way back into the house, Morgan downed both his and Spencer's beers and went to get some sleep before the next day. Another day, another case, another killer, another victim.

**Thanks for reading! This is my first Criminal Minds fic, so give me some feedback. I know it's corny, but 'Reid' and Review!**

**Next chapter may delve into some deeper subjects... and to those who were hoping for more slash, I'm letting the sexual tension build!**


	2. Not a Bromance

**Whoops! I didn't mean to publish that chapter at first. I blame lack of sleep, so sorry if you got a random email saying I updated early. This chapter is particularly short, but I wanted to get something up because of all the great responses I got!**

**To all: I wanted to clarify what I said about building sexual tension. As J said in the reviews, a lot of fics just have Morgan jump Reid's bones, but I like the romance to build a bit. No worries, there will be plenty of smutty man love later ;)**

**Thanks to everyone who followed, and thanks to J, 68luvcarter, the Celt, and Rayne McKenna (I pretty much died when I saw Rayne had reviewed, because I follow a BUTTLOAD of her stories!)**

**Thanks again, and I hope you like this chapter, even though it's short!**

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**Chapter 2: Not a Bromance**

The next morning the bullpen was met with an extremely grumpy SSA Derek Morgan. He trudged to his desk, slinging his heavy leather coat across the back of his chair, and then continued to trudge to the break room for some coffee. Prentiss shot a look at Reid.

"What's up with him?" she asked, raising an eyebrow. When Reid just shrugged and went back to his paperwork, Emily wadded up a Post-It note and threw it, hitting him in the head. She laughed at his confused look. "That was your cue to find out what's wrong. Isn't it part of your code of being in a bromance, or something?"

Reid chuckled and threw the paper ball back at her, missing completely.

"It's not a _bromance_. As you all insist on calling Morgan and I's friendship." he retorted. His timing was off as Penelope Garcia, in a lovely blue and yellow ensemble, exited her lair.

"Are we discussing the guy-love between my dreamy chocolate hunk of mystery and everyone's favorite boy genius?" she asked in a sing-song voice. She walked to the conference room where JJ, Hotch and Rossi were discussing possible cases while the others finished paperwork. "Here are the papers you asked for Jayge. And I did a thing, so you can be sure that more ink for your printer will be in by tomorrow," she said before bustling back to the dark office. But not without sending a wink in Reid's direction, who groaned as he stood up.

"Fine, I'll go check on him." Spencer said, walking to the break room. As he was about to walk through the doorway, Morgan pushed past him, putting his coffee on his desk and then bee-lining to the bathroom. Prentiss looked concerned and waved Reid on, before turning back to her paperwork.

Reid opened the bathroom door to the sounds of puking in the last stall. The toilet flushed, and Morgan walked out to see his coworker leaning against the sink, like a parent whose kid came in past curfew.

"You okay?"

Morgan chuckled sardonically as he walked to the sink to rinse and spit. "Oh, I'm just perfect, Reid. Just freaking perfect," he splashed some water on his face and headed for the door.

"Morgan, if you're sick then go home. Prentiss and I can split your work load."

"I'm not sick, kid." Derek's hand was on the doorknob.

"Derek."

SSA Morgan was stopped in his tracks. He could hear the worried tone in his friend's voice.

Spencer cautiously put his hand on his friend's shoulder and pulled his coworker to face him. He didn't want his friend to think he was making a move on him, now that he knew he was bisexual, but he wanted Derek to look him in the eyes. Morgan just gave a sad smile.

"God, I hate profilers," he said, trying to be light hearted. Spencer didn't look away. "I'm a little hung over, that's all. It's just embarrassing to look like this in front of the team."

Spencer thought back to last night, and his eidetic memory told him that Morgan had only had a few beers. Morgan seemed to read his thoughts.

"After you left, I tried to sleep, but I kept having weird dreams. I…" he trailed off, not wanting to meet Reid's eyes, "I had a couple of glasses of scotch to help me fall asleep."

Reid wasn't sure what to think about this statement. As much as he trusted his best friend, he was aware of what that kind of drinking implied.

"A couple of glasses? And you're hung over?" he asked, trying as hard as he could not to accuse Morgan. Apparently it didn't work.

"Yeah, Reid, a couple of glasses," Derek said, with more animosity than he had intended. He brushed Spencer's hand away, which he just realized had still been resting on his shoulder. "Look, kid, it's great that you care, but don't read into it. I just had a couple of nightmares, so I had a couple of drinks to put me to sleep. Maybe I overdid it, I don't know. Just let it go, Reid. Let it go."

And with that Morgan left the bathroom, leaving Reid feeling more hurt than he should have felt.

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Their quiet day of paperwork had come to an end. As Rossi and Hotch were going through files with JJ, they discovered a case that looked high-risk. The conference room white board was quickly filled with photos of dead young boys, all ages 10 to 15, and a map of northern Ohio. Prentiss and Reid's fun filled day of throwing Post-It's at each other had suddenly become very serious. JJ took the floor.

"We didn't flag this one originally because it seemed like two unrelated events. Justin Enderle, 10, and Eddie Harper, 14, were found dead two weeks apart in Midworth, Ohio this week, both of whom had been missing for 3 days before they were found. Justin was found near a lake and had apparently died of drowning, so an autopsy wasn't done. Eddie was found near the same lake and had also died of drowning, but he showed signs of sexual assault. They exhumed Justin's body and found the same. They have no DNA or witnesses to the killer but the Midworth police say that another boy has just gone missing. "

The team jumped into profiling, discussing the ages of the boys, where they were taken, the assault, etc. But Hotch cut in, telling them that the wheels were up in ten, and they could discuss it on the plane. Rossi had one more comment before they left the room.

"It's only been a week since the last abduction. He's escalating. And fast."

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**Reid and Review :)**


	3. And That's All

**Holy cow, this story is getting so much more attention than I expected! Thank you so much to everyone who has favorited/followed this story, and thanks especially to all those who have reviewed. You guys are so great. I usually don't update this often, but I've been getting so much encouragement from you guys that I can't help but keep writing! Things are starting to get serious, and the next chapter will be a lot longer, so thanks for putting up with my shorter chapters. Here we go!**

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**Chapter 3: ...And That's All**

The case was pretty straightforward. Boys are kidnapped, raped, drowned and dumped. As they set up camp at the Midworth P.D., they divided up the work load and started on a profile. But something was wrong; they couldn't narrow it down enough. It was Reid who discovered that their original profile was wrong. They had assumed that the UnSub was a Situational offender because there were only two victims. But the kidnapper was too organized and prepared; the children hadn't been a spur of the moment choice. He had planned, and that meant that he was a preferential offender, which meant that he had probably committed earlier offenses. They had Garcia check further databases, and had discovered 19 more cases with the same M.O. that hadn't been solved, all throughout Ohio, and possibly in Indiana as well. None of the cases had overlapped in the same county, until Justin and Eddie, so the team knew that he had a connection with the town. Using a geographic profile, they narrowed the UnSub down to Dan Allerton, a nomad living in a trailer, who had been born in Midworth. When he was an adolescent he had seen his father rape one of his classmates, near the lake where he was now dumping his victims. His stressor was his father dying in jail 2 years ago.

It had taken them 4 days to find the UnSub, and by that time the last kidnapped boy, 15 year old Jeffrey Kent, had met the same fate as all the others. And despite their victory, not one of the team members felt like they had accomplished something.

Morgan walked onto the jet, heading straight for the mini bar and poured himself a glass of whiskey. Reid sat in the seat across from him.

"Morgan, it's 3 in the afternoon…" he said, not as quietly as Morgan would have liked him to. The other members of the team were watching them. Morgan just looked him dead in the eye and took a long sip before putting his headphones on and turning to look out the window.

The team was stunned; Morgan had never turned down Reid like that before. The rest of the flight was met with silence, and when they landed Hotch told them to just go home and rest since they hadn't had a good night's sleep in days.

Reid followed Morgan to his SUV; he hadn't ridden his motorcycle because the weather was starting to become wintry. It was even starting to snow. The older agent had barely spoken since they had left Midworth.

"Derek. Talk to me. Please," Spencer pleaded, grabbing his arm. Morgan shrugged him off and got in the car. Spencer didn't give up. He held the door open, so that Morgan couldn't shut it without hurting his younger friend.

"Get out of my way Reid."

"Can we have a movie night? Please? I don't feel like being alone tonight."

"I see what you're doing, and it's not going to work. I just need some time by myself."

Spencer wouldn't let up. "At least give me a ride home. I took the bus here." Morgan paused for a moment.

"Fine. Get in," he said, unlocking the passenger side door.

Spencer hesitated. "Can I drive?"

Morgan rolled his eyes. "Don't push your luck. I'm fine to drive. Get in."

Reid decided he'd gotten as far as he could, and walked around to get in the passenger seat. They both buckled their seatbelts and pulled out of the BAU parking lot.

It was quiet for a few minutes, but Reid knew he didn't have a lot of time so he spoke first.

"I wasn't kidding when I suggested the movie night. I really need one."

Derek didn't respond immediately. "Kid, I'm sorry I was rough on you, but really, I'm fine. I just need some alone time."

"What if we went to a bar, have a few beers?" Reid blurted out. _Damn, I should've veiled that a little better, _he thought.

Morgan abruptly pulled the car into an empty parking lot, turning off the engine and turning to face Reid. They were still a few blocks from Reid's apartment. Derek Morgan had a fire in his eyes.

"Spencer Reid," Reid didn't think he'd ever heard Morgan call him Spencer before, let alone his full name, "I know what you're thinking. That magical giant brain of yours is thinking that I've got a problem with drinking, that I can't control myself. Stop it. I'm fine. You aren't my dad, you aren't my brother. You are just my coworker, and that's all. Not everyone has an addiction problem. Get that through your head."

There was silence. Reid sat with his mouth open for a whole minute, just staring at his friend, or who he had thought was once his friend. Suddenly, he opened the car door turning around to say three words before slamming it and jogging off down the snowy sidewalk to his apartment.

"_Fuck you, Morgan."_

And before Derek knew it, Spencer was gone, his lanky legs carrying off into the night.

There had been tears in his eyes.

He'd made Spencer cry.

Slamming his fists on the steering wheel, Derek turned the engine on, veering out of the parking lot and racing home.

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**Next chapter is going to be epic, graphic, and hopefully (if my writing skills are up to the task) a bit heart wrenching. Also Midworth was a city I made up, as far as I know, it is false. I also made up the names of the children, so if someone has that name, I apologize. See you all next chapter, and thanks again for the reviews!**


	4. Not a Chance, Derek

**You all sure are convincing. It broke my heart to write the last chapter, but this chapter actually made me cry while writing. Thank you all so much, your support made this chapter happen. Enjoy!**

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**Chapter 4: Not a Chance, Derek**

The door opened with a bang as Derek Morgan stormed through his living room. Clooney, who had been napping on the couch, ran to greet his owner but shrunk away to sit in the corner when Morgan swept his arm across the kitchen table, knocking newspapers, files, and a coffee mug to the ground.

'_I couldn't save him. I couldn't save any of them. 22 kids in two years, getting raped and drowned by that bastard. And he gets to live. He's going to jail, but he gets to live. And it's my fault. I couldn't save him. He was counting on me.' _

Thoughts were racing angrily through his brain, and no matter what he did, he couldn't stop the tears from falling, nor could he stop his body from heading straight to the liquor cabinet. Shaking, he poured himself a glass of Jack Daniels, of which he had a bottle and a half left. He downed his glass quickly, filling it up again as quickly as before. He was still shaking.

'_I know preferential offenders probably more than anyone else on the team. And I didn't profile him that way. Reid did. Reid. I can't believe I called him out like that. He's been trying so hard to hide his Dilaudid addiction; he's worked so hard to get clean… He was accusing me of being an alcoholic! What the hell… I have a drink now and then, I have a stressful job. I…' _ His thoughts trailed off, realizing he was doing exactly what Spencer thought.

The glass in his hand was suddenly shattered against the wall, whiskey spilling down the white paint. He cursed at himself, grabbing the two bottles of Jack and taking a swig from the one as he walked to his bedroom.

'_What have I done? I've failed that little boy, and I've failed my best friend, possibly my only friend, I'm failing myself and I can't stop. I'm 37 years old and I'm living in a house by myself, with a dog that someone else is taking care of half the time. What do I have to show for my life?'_

Finishing the last of the first bottle, Morgan went into his bathroom. Above the sink there was a large mirror, and Derek's bloodshot eyed reflection was staring at him accusingly. _'What do I have to show for it?' _he thought as he sent his fist flying into the mirror. It cracked but the pieces didn't fall down. He punched it again, harder, and again, as hard as he could, pieces of glass stuck in his bleeding knuckles. Shards were falling down around his feet, and though he didn't remember when exactly he took his shoes and socks off, he could feel the glass penetrating his soles.

But still, the glass was coming down fast enough. He struck a piece that was still barely cracked and then pulled the pieces off with his hands, unconsciously crushing them in his fist. His palms started bleeding as he pulled down more and more of the mirror. He didn't want to see himself. He knew that the eyes staring back at him might as well have been the eyes of the 22 boys, just like him, that he couldn't save. He felt as if he was just letting Buford take advantage of him again, and just like that the pain was too overwhelming for him.

He leaned over the edge of his bathtub, turning the warm water on and watching it fill as he started drinking the second bottle.

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Reid had made it to his apartment safely, but it didn't make him feel any better about the way events had transgressed that night. His whole body was shaking, his throat was tight, and despite his constant reminders to stay strong, he could feel tears rolling down his cheeks. _You are just my coworker, and that's all. _He made himself a pot of coffee, but the thought of drinking it made him sick to his stomach. He paced his apartment, opening and closing books without reading a word. That eidetic memory was making the scene in Derek's SUV replay over and over.

But what could he do? He knew Derek was in trouble, but he clearly didn't want his help. Spencer checked his cell phone over and over again, hoping for a call or a text that he knew he wasn't going to receive.

'_Derek…'_

Finally, he got up his courage. He loved Derek, probably more than a best friend should. And he cared about him enough to make the phone call.

"_You've reached SSA Derek Morgan. I can't come to the phone right now…"_

Spencer hung up the phone. It hadn't even rung. Derek's phone was never off. All the agents knew how important it was that they answer the phone, because a killer won't wait for anyone.

He tried his home phone. It was busy. Spencer's worry was increased exponentially. Finally, he grabbed his bag and jumped in his old Volvo, racing towards Morgan's house.

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His car, though old, made it to Derek's in ten minutes flat. Spencer could hear Clooney barking from the driveway. He sprinted to the door, trying to kick it down, but that was usually Derek's job.

"Derek! Open the door!" he yelled. He grabbed the doorknob. It was unlocked. Even a genius can forgo common sense when under stress. Reid cautiously opened the door. Clooney was clearly in a great deal of stress, growling and whining at him. A large bag of dog food was opened on the floor in the kitchen, among debris. A dark stain was slipping slowly down the wall leading to a pile of glass. Aside from the dog's whining, the house was almost silent. A quiet beeping sound was coming from the side table in the living room: the house phone was off the hook. All of this was processed through Reid's brain in a matter of milliseconds. Even without Clooney, Reid was drawn to the master bedroom, where the Doberman was clawing at the bathroom door. This time, the door was locked.

"Morgan! Morgan open the door! Please! It's Spencer! Open the door! Damnit, open this door! Derek!"

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Despite the wonderful near silence that was allowing Derek to finally rest, he was slightly conscious of a voice calling his name. But it didn't matter. He was floating. His lungs were burning under the water, but in his mind he was beyond feeling any pain. Nothing mattered. His pain from Buford was gone. His guilt of not saving those boys was gone. And his unrequited feelings for the only person he could honestly say he _was in love with_: gone. All that was left was the water in his ears, and the blackness slowly taking over. And suddenly, he heard a bang, and there was a rush of white light.

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"Morgan! Morgan please wake up. Derek, don't leave me, please, wake up." Spencer was screaming himself hoarse. Clooney was trying to push his way into the bathroom, but Spencer kicked the door closed so that the dog wouldn't hurt himself on the glass. _'And there's so much of it…' _The large mirror was barely there, and there were two empty bottles of Jack Daniel's on the ground.

Morgan wasn't breathing, but there was still a pulse. Reid performed CPR as best as he could, feeling terrible that as he made compressions, Morgan's naked body was getting pushed into the mirror on the floor. He pressed his lips to Morgan's begging him to breathe with every kiss. After what seemed like forever, Derek's body convulsed and water spilled out of his mouth and nose as he coughed.

"Oh my God. Derek. Thank you, God." Reid leaned back against the sink cabinets and breathed a deep sigh of relief. He pulled Morgan's body into his lap, rubbing his back to try and remove some of the glass. Morgan finally stopped coughing enough to speak.

"Pretty Boy? Is that you?" He groaned in pain. "Why-what are you doing here? Why'd you pull me out, man?"

"Why'd I pull you out? I got home and remembered you owed me a dollar, that's why." He reached over and grabbed a rag, wrapping it around Morgan's bloody right hand.

"Did you just make a joke?" A delirious Morgan asked. Reid rolled his eyes.

"God, even after nearly drowning, you're still drunk," he said. He leaned to the towel rack and pulled down a maroon towel, despite Morgan's wincing at the sudden movement. He threw it over the older man's naked body and wrapped it around his waist. "Will you cover yourself up? Did you want to be found naked, to add indecency to your…" _'Death,' _he couldn't bring himself to say out loud. Luckily, Morgan cut him off.

"We both know that you like it…" he said, closing his eyes. His head went slack against Reid's chest.

"Morgan? Derek, stay with me!" Reid said, shaking him gently. Morgan groaned and clutched at Reid's soaking shirt.

"Why bother with me, Pretty Boy? You're so smart… You caught the UnSub today. I know better than anyone what those boys were going through, and I couldn't save them… I couldn't do it. I'll never know why you care about me. Why do you care? You're so much better… better than I am. You're so much stronger… Why did you save me? I'm not worthy enough for you."

There were tears leaking out of his eyes, and Reid found that there were tears coming from his too.

"That's what this is about? You can't save everyone, Morgan. You just can't. There's so much evil in this world, and we're the good guys that get to stop it. And you want to just take one more good thing from this world. From me. And as for being worthy enough, you should know by this point that you are my hero. But that's my curse. My father, Gideon, they were the ones I loved and they both abandoned me. But not you. You're not going to leave me. Not a chance, Derek. You're stuck with me."

Morgan was still crying. "I'm sorry, Spencer. I'm so, so sorry." He leaned his head against Spencer's shoulder and gazed up at him. Spencer leaned in, and kissed Derek chastely on the lips.

He pulled away, but Derek held onto his shirt and pulled him right back, deepening the kiss, making Spencer moan quietly into his mouth. Spencer could still taste the whiskey on his lips, but something was telling him that this wasn't a result of alcohol.

They pulled apart after a minute, catching their breath.

"I didn't think…" Spencer started, searching Derek's dark eyes.

Derek reached up with his bloody hand and brushed Spencer's hair away.

"You thought wrong…"

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**3 I'm in love with the scene playing out in my head right now. Next chapter starts Morgan's recovery, and a hefty side of slash (I couldn't give all to you at once, now could I? ;) )**


	5. I Don't Regret At All

**Before you see the word count and freak out on me, it's okay! I split this into two chapters, and Chapter 6 will be up within a matter of minutes. **

**I re read the last chapter after I posted, and I'm not sure I like it, so after this story is finished I think I'll go back and fix it up.**

**Thanks for your support!**

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**Chapter 5: I Don't Regret at All**

"_No, Hotch, he'll be okay… Uh, yeah, I might have to take him to the hospital for stitches…"_

Derek woke up with a pounding headache, and an extremely sore body. His chest was hurting, but his heart skipped a beat when he realized that he was alive in his bed, and that Reid was on the phone in his kitchen. Sitting up slowly, he immediately wished he had just stayed down as his wounds made him groan loudly in agony. He could feel cuts all over his body, and he could also feel heavy bandages on his feet to match the ones cocooning his hands. Someone, he guessed Spencer, had wrapped his naked body in sheets and blankets, and had propped his body on a bunch of pillows.

"…_I know…I got it, Hotch, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it… Yeah have her drop off some paperwork and I'll work on it. Yeah. Thanks, Hotch."_

"Reid…" Morgan tried to yell for his friend but his voice came out hoarse. Clooney came bounding into the bedroom and jumped on bed, causing Morgan to laugh as well as whimper a bit as the large dog jostled his already sore body.

"Clooney, get down," said a voice from the doorway. Reid was wearing one of Derek's FBI t-shirts and a pair of his sweatpants, both of which were hanging rather loosely on him. He handed Morgan some Tylenol and a glass of water and sat down on the other side of the bed, taking a sip from his coffee. Calming down, Clooney laid between them, with his head on Morgan's lap. Morgan said a small thank you and took the pills and sipped the water, before settling into an ashamed silence.

"Are we going to talk about this any time soon?" Spencer finally asked, staring into his cup. Derek stayed quiet. Spencer spoke again, "Do you even remember what you tried to do last night? What you did do?"

After what seemed like eons, Derek spoke.

"I need help, Pretty Boy…" The older agent stared at his hands, palm up in front of him. Reid sighed heavily.

"Why? Derek, why didn't you let me help you before it got out of control? You know you can always come to me, for anything." This time it was Derek's turn to sigh.

"I didn't want you to be ashamed of me. I value your opinion of me, more than anyone else's. I didn't think… I didn't think I was worthy for you to help me. And that last case… it really messed me up, man. And my argument with you was just the straw on the camel's back, you know? I was so angry at myself, I thought you hated me, I thought I'd lost the last good thing in my life. So I just didn't see the point. I thought I had lost you. After last night, I'm not positive that I haven't lost you. I'm sorry. I understand if you want to leave."

As he talked, Spencer reached over and put his hand on Morgan's and scooted closer to him.

"Derek, if you had lost me, I wouldn't have gotten in that car, or called to check up on you, or come over to make sure you were okay. Who else could motivate me to actually kick down a door?" he chuckled, trying to get Morgan to laugh. It worked a little. For the first time, Morgan glanced at his bathroom door and saw that some of the wood near the lock had splintered. But he also saw a pile of towels, a pile of broken glass, and obvious blood stains. He turned to Spencer again, a look of seriousness on his face.

"There is one thing I remember from last night that I don't regret at all, Pretty Boy." he said quietly. Using what strength he had left, he pulled himself up and pulled Reid's head toward his own. Their lips met in a passionate, grateful kiss. Clooney felt the space available shrinking as Spencer moved into the kiss and jumped off the bed to go lay on his living room couch. Morgan closed the space between them; the only thing remaining was a black sheet and Derek's black and gray comforter. Spencer gently caressed Morgan's back before putting his hands on the front of his chest and running them over the older man's toned muscles. Morgan had slipped his bandaged hands under Spencer's shirt and teasingly played with his waistband, which caused the young genius to moan into Morgan's mouth. Morgan took that opportunity to slip his tongue into Spencer's, exploring behind his teeth and battling with Spencer's tongue for control. Their hips were starting to grind together, gently, of course, both of them conscious of the stress that Derek's body had undergone the night before. Morgan didn't know how much longer he could go without breathing, his lungs felt like they would burst.

This was a different kind of drowning. Again, he was denying himself air, but it made him feel more alive.

And like that, the bliss was gone as the doorbell rang.

Reid smiled as he pulled back and looked down at Morgan.

"That's JJ, she's dropping off files for me to work on from here." he said, getting up to answer the door.

"Spencer."

Reid turned around at the sound of his name, walking back towards Morgan. The older agent grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him into another kiss. When they broke apart, he whispered into Reid's ear, "Wrap a sweatshirt around your waist, Pretty Boy. We don't want the team to know I give you a hard on, do we?"

Spencer blushed; he hadn't thought it had looked so obvious in the baggy sweatpants. He grabbed a sweatshirt off of Derek's dresser and did as he was told before going to meet JJ.

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**Haha, so short! But it's because the next chapter is super long. Also, I keep forgetting to thank ! I use them as a reference when I write about cases, UnSubs, dates, that sort of thing. So check out that site, it's awesome!**


	6. I'll Always Be There to Find You

**Here goes... :)**

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**Chapter 6: I'll Always Be There to Find You**

JJ hated dogs, but Spencer managed to get Clooney to sit still while he talked to his friend.

"Hotch told me what happened. Spence, is he going to be alright?" she asked, motherly concern on her face. Spencer nodded.

"I think so, but we're just going to take it one step at a time," he replied, before they both heard a grunt from the hallway. Derek had managed to get up and throw on a pair of gym shorts and a t-shirt, and he was carefully navigating on his bandaged feet. Spencer noticed with mild amusement that instead of his typical tight t-shirt, Morgan was wearing a baggy one that covered his manhood.

"Does anyone else know, JJ?" Morgan asked. JJ shook her head.

"No, and I won't tell them. If you promise to get help," she said back. Morgan nodded, leaning against the wall.

"I will. And I will tell the others, I just want to do it on my time, you know?" She nodded, tears brimming up in her eyes and she walked forward to hug him. "Sorry, girl, but I don't think I could take a hug right now. I'm just too sore. Rain check though." he said, smiling at her. She agreed and instead leaned up to kiss him on the cheek. She handed Reid the basket of files and kissed his cheek also, but before she left she turned to Morgan.

"I hope you learned your lesson. That there are people in this world who love you more than you know." And with that she left the house, heading back to the BAU.

Morgan was staring at the floor in silent reverie, when Spencer caught his attention.

"Come on. You shouldn't be standing on those feet, and I need to redress those wounds. Come on, sit on the couch and let Dr. Reid fix it.

Morgan did as he was told and walked to the couch, but he couldn't help pointing out the obvious.

"Reid, you aren't that kind of doctor," he said with a grin. Reid laughed and put the files on the coffee table. He playfully pushed Derek back on the couch and lifted one of his feet into his hands.

The cuts on his feet were shallow, and Spencer had gotten all the glass out the night before. Morgan had passed out in Spencer's arms shortly after the kiss, giving him time to clean him up and start on the house.

"Spencer," Morgan said, staring at him from his reclined position on the leather couch. Reid reveled in hearing Derek say his first name.

"Hmm?" he replied, pulling his other foot into his lap and taking off the bandages. They wouldn't need to be wrapped again.

"Spencer…" Morgan started again, "What are we?"

Reid moved closer to his friend and started to unwrap his right hand.

"We're agents with the Behavioral Analysis Unit, Derek," he said simply, grinning as Morgan rolled his eyes at him.

"You know that's not what I mean. Pretty Boy," he pulled his hand back so that Spencer would look at him, "We kissed. I know it's not professional, but I don't want you to think this is a one night thing. I… I want to be with you. And now that I have you, I don't want you to leave."

Spencer stared at him for a moment, not quite sure what he wanted. Finally, he lifted Derek's hand to his face and kissed every wound as gently as he could, finally looking at Derek and resting his head against his lover's hand.

"Then you have to promise me that you won't ever try to leave again," he said softly. "I've wanted to be with you since the day I met you, and I don't think I could handle your abandonment."

Derek moved his hand to the back of Spencer's neck and slowly pulled him down to lay with him. Kissing him deeply he said, "I promise," and then leaned in to ravish Spencer with his mouth.

Spencer could feel the pit in the bottom of his stomach getting warm, and his hard on becoming more pronounced. Derek shifted his body so that his leg was in between Spencer's, and gently grinded his thigh up against his young lover's member. Spencer groaned and slid his hand down Morgan's muscled abs and put his hand on Derek's growing bulge. Derek broke their kiss and looked at Spencer.

"Pretty Boy, how far have you gone?" he asked. Reid blushed and averted his eyes.

"Not very. With a guy or a girl," he replied.

Morgan chuckled and rolled over so that he was on top.

"Then we'll take it slow. I want to you relish every moment," he said, pulling off Spencer's shirt. "Now, let me thank you for saving me last night." He began kissing Spencer again, then suddenly moved to his neck, sucking hard at the skin above his collarbone. Spencer groaned, moving his legs open so that Derek could fit comfortably between them. Derek moved down Spencer's body, interchanging light kisses with bruising bite marks until he had reached Spencer's navel. He swirled his tongue around the inside, causing Spencer to moan again and cling to Derek's back.

"Not so rough, Spencer. My back still hurts," Derek said, repeating the action once more and getting the same result. He continued his downward movement and finally reached the waistband of Spencer's pants. He slid his tongue under the fabric, teasing his lover, before finally starting to pull them down, as he sat back to pull the pants off his lanky legs and admire the young body before him, a thought crossed his mind.

'_Reid wasn't wearing any underwear…'_

Reid seemed to read his mind, and a blush crossed his face.

"I… uh… I felt weird borrowing a pair of your underwear and mine were soaking wet so… uh…" but before he could finish explaining himself, Derek had decided that the idea of Spencer commando was too sexy for him to bear, and he immediately leaned down to put Spencer's head in his mouth.

The young genius of the BAU was reduced to nothing more than a long, quivering moan as Derek deftly used his tongue to pleasure him. He sucked lightly on his tip, then ran his tongue up and down Spencer's shaft. When he finally opened his mouth to take all of Spencer in, sucking as hard as he could, Reid wasn't sure he could last much longer. He wanted to hold out, let the pleasure continue as long as possible, but he was inexperienced, and soon he was clutching the leather couch with his fists.

"Derek, I'm going to… I mean… Derek!" he yelled his lover's name as he came.

Morgan was turned on by the sound of his name being yelled as Reid orgasmed. He swallowed Reid's seed and licked what he had missed off of Spencer's body. When he was finished, he lay down and pulled Reid in to lie on his chest. Spencer was panting heavily, and he snuggled into the warmth of Morgan's body. And as much as his young friend wanted to return the favor, Morgan just wasn't up to more. The wounds on his back and hands had grown sore again, and pain trumps pleasure every time.

"Derek?" Reid asked, pulling a blanket from the basket beside the couch over them, "Have you been with a man before? I mean recently? You just seemed… very comfortable with what you were doing."

Morgan grinned. "I may be a ladies' man, but I've had my share of men also." He kissed the top of Reid's head.

"One more question," Reid started again. "Last night, why did you pour dog food all over the floor?"

Morgan was quiet for a minute. "Just in case Clooney got hungry before someone found me," he said solemnly after a moment.

Reid rubbed Derek's chest with his hand before saying, "I'll always be there to find you."

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**:) Reid and Review! Also I'd like to mention that writing 'Reid's seed' in this chapter made me laugh out loud.**


	7. Explanation

**Well, I wish I had an explanation for you all, other than college starting back up and me not having as much time, but I feel that's pretty lame. In all honesty I am experiencing major writer's block, and I think I'm just going to take some of your advice and end the story there. I just can't seem to think of a way to continue from there, and every chapter I write ends up being scrapped. **

**But never fear! I have decided to continue in a sequel, which will be called (drum roll) "Madness in Love" which is again drawn from a philosophy quote. Can anyone tell that one of my minors is Philosophy yet ;) ?**

**Also, as Rayne pointed out, I totally forgot to make sure that link came out correctly, so here it is: criminal minds fan wiki (dot) com without spaces. It's a pretty amazing site, and I use it to help me with fan fiction, and also just to exploit my favorite show. **

**So look out for "Madness in Love" which should be coming out this weekend!**

**Love, Prongs**


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